Invariably, you are destined for more hellos than you are goodbyes. Meeting people is often accompanied with fanfare and introductions, but ending relationships usually occur over long periods of time with seldom a glance backward. People like using the term drift… as in “we drifted apart.” The image that accompanies this word is easy to visualize, but its place in describing goodbyes is quite inaccurate. Drifting conjures an image of two people, on wood planks huddling in the middle of a choppy ocean; it implies that, through no intent or planning, the currents of life pulled these two people apart so they are left bobbing in isolation. This isn’t how it happens...

    I prefer to think of relationships as lights in a dark room. Being alone, friendless, in the dark, we welcome the light of friendship. It is blinding in its magnificence at first, and then comforting as we get used to it. Things become clear and life comes into focus. The light wards off things that creep in the shadows and allows you to expand your perspective. The light makes you more visible to new friends and many more lights get turned on. Soon, the room is full of light. You are quite happy now, experiencing things you never knew you hadn’t experienced. You leave your first light and see what other lights have to offer. Searching every nook and cranny of your life, you become who you are while failing to see the first light dim and shut off completely. You don’t notice because the darkness left from the first's absence has already been filled.

    To drift is to deny responsibility, which is ultimately more selfish than actually abandoning the friend in the first place. Chasing other lights, while at first seems ungrateful, ultimately accepts one’s role in leaving while still acknowledging the things the first friend gave you- as someone who pierced through the darkness with a hello and faded into the light without a goodbye.